


in flashbacks and echoes

by ravenreyamidala



Series: Winter Soldier Tony [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Brainwashing, Hurt No Comfort, Hydra (Marvel), Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Original Character(s), POV Tony Stark, Pre-Steve Rogers/Tony Stark, Someone Doesn't Follow the Scientific Method and Shit Happens, Steve turns up later, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Tony Stark is Winter Soldier, Tony Whump, Torture, Twice actually, limb amputation, soulbond - colors
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2020-02-26 15:25:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18719815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenreyamidala/pseuds/ravenreyamidala
Summary: What happened before Tony Stark met his soulmate.Alternatively, the unmaking of Tony Stark.





	in flashbacks and echoes

**Author's Note:**

> This is a collaborative work, a short series, the first part of which is mostly written by Serinah and the second story by ravenreyaidala. They are quite different, so if you don't feel very inspired by the first one, don't pass up the second and visa versa.
> 
> The first is Steve-centric, and Raven's story is technically a prequel from Tony's POV. Basically, pain-pain-pain, if you are into this type of thing (of course, you are - what is better than some Tony-torture?).
> 
> Title from T.Swift’s ‘Red’
> 
> Serinah was the best partner a person could ask for, and this story wouldn't exist without her. Thank you for being patient and generous and hilarious and understanding. I love you 3000.

Tony comes home from kindergarten one day, frowning. Jarvis mirrors the frown automatically, before catching himself and schooling his face into a more neutral expression.

“How was school today, young master?” Jarvis asks as he sets a plate of sliced apple slices down in front of where Tony’s seated at the kitchen table.

“Good,” Tony answers, subdued. He eats an apple slice. Jarvis busies himself with cleaning up the kitchen, but the uncharacteristically silent child at the table keeps grabbing his attention, until he sighs in the middle of wiping down the counter and goes to sit next to Tony.

“Did something happen?” Jarvis tries again. He’s lucky he has time for this today; usually the Starks have guests over for dinner on Thursday, but today Obadiah Stane cancelled at the last minute.

“Jarvis, what’s blue?” Tony finally asks. “Ms. Appleton says it’s the color of the sky, but not the color of the grass, but they’re the same color.”

Jarvis sighs and ruffles Tony’s hair. He’s been told that it’s a particularly vibrant brown.

“Have you heard of soulmates, Tony?” Jarvis finally says.

“Yeah, it’s like a boyfriend or a girlfriend,” Tony says, kicking his legs.

“Well, not quite,” Jarvis chuckles, smoothing Tony’s hair back. “A lot of people end up marrying their soulmates, but sometimes a soulmate is their best friend.”

“Like you!” Tony exclaims, looking at Jarvis with such fondness that it makes him want to hug Tony and not stop.

“Like me,” Jarvis says agreebly, ignoring how his heart breaks at how lonely Tony must be to say that. “Do you know how you can tell when your meet your soulmate?”

“No, how?” Tony wonders guilelessly, smiling sweetly as he takes another bite of the apple slice he’s holding.

“After you touch them for the first time, you start seeing new colors,” Jarvis reveals, watching as Tony’s nose scrunches up as he tries to think through that.

“New colors? Not just black and white and grey?” Tony says suspiciously.

“Yes, like red and green and purple and blue,” Jarvis replies, thinking with a pang of the last time he saw green, before shutting that thought away.

“When will I meet my soulmate?” Tony asks eagerly, sitting on his knees so he can bounce in excitement.

“I don’t know, young master Tony,” Jarvis says. “You can meet them at anytime, or maybe never even meet them.”

Tony’s face falls, and he slumps. “So maybe I’ll never see color?”

“Oh, you’ll meet your soulmate, Tony,” Jarvis rushes to reassure Tony before the boy starts crying.

“Promise?” Tony asks, voice shaking.

Jarvis has a split second to wonder if he is doing the right thing before reasoning to himself that Tony will forget about this conversation.

“Promise,” Jarvis lies.

It’s worth it, for the way Tony smiles.

* * *

Tony doesn’t forget the conversation. When he’s ten, there’s a big news story about a superfan who meets her idol, Brad Smith in public once and finds out they’re soulmates. The fan had no idea beforehand despite buying a lock of Smith’s hair on eBay and touching it years before making actual contact with Smith.

In the back of Tony’s head, he starts thinking about ways to expedite the soulmate process. There are nearly seven billion people on the planet, and Tony can’t possibly touch each and every one of them before he dies. Most soulmate theories say that your soulmate will probably share a language with you, which doesn’t make things any easier for Tony, since he’s forced to learn five conversationally so he can take over Stark Industries one day.

And then when he’s fifteen, Howard finds Tony’s research and goes ballistic.

Decades later, after torture and brainwashing and unspeakable acts of horror, Tony can still remember how small he felt in his room after, stripped of his research, thoroughly disabused of the notion that he might one day meet his soulmate.

So instead, Tony starts working on something else. A serum that will let him see color.

* * *

Jarvis finds Tony in the lab when he’s sixteen, about to inject himself with the serum. Tony hastily tries to hide everything, but Jarvis is crossing the lab in large strides. It’s the angriest Tony has ever seen Jarvis.

“What are you doing?” Jarvis fumes. “You will ruin your life this way, with…with drugs. What is wrong? Is someone at school being mean to you? Homework too hard? There are other solutions to these problems.”

Tony sneers, and for a second, all Jarvis can see is Howard. “It’s not drugs, Jarvis. It’s a solution to a real problem.”

“What are you talking about?” Jarvis exclaims.

“I’m never going to see in color if I don’t do something about it,” Tony says.

“Tony, you’re sixteen, I felt the same way at your age,” Jarvis starts.

“I’m never going to meet my soulmate,” Tony interrupts.

“What, Tony, of course you are,” Jarvis protests.

“Stop lying to me,” Tony says, wearily. “The odds are not in my favor. And even if I did, do you know what happened with Brad Smith’s soulmate? With the soulmates of anyone who’s rich and famous? I’m better off without that.”

“Tony, that-- you know better, it won’t be like that for you,” Jarvis tries to convince him.

“And what happens if I do find my soulmate, and then lose them? Or, worse, if the soulmate isn’t a good fit for the company image?” Tony rants. “What if I get a chance at happiness only for it to be taken away?”

“No,” Tony shakes his head. “I’m not-- I’m not doing that. I’m never going to have a soulmate, Jarvis, I can’t. But I refuse to give up on seeing color.”

“Young master,” Jarvis finally says. “It’s-- having a soulmate, even for a small amount of time, is better than never having one at all.”

“Really?” Tony scoffs, looking at Jarvis. “How’s that working out for you, Jarvis? What’s it like to know what it’s like to see in color, only to have that taken away from you?”

Javis is speechless, mouth moving as he tries to respond.

“I’m just fine by myself,” Tony spits out. “So thanks for your advice, Jarvis, but excuse me if I refuse to take it.”

Tony tries to grab the syringe and vial with the serum, but Jarvis holds tight to them.

“Fine, whatever. I can make more,” Tony dismisses, before storming out of the lab.

* * *

Jarvis debates telling Howard about the serum and Tony’s plans, but finally realizes he has to. He stands outside Howard’s study the same evening, poised to knock, when the door opens to reveal Obadiah.

“Jarvis, hello!” Obadiah says convivally, before looking at the paraphernalia from Tony’s experiment in Jarvis’s hands and frowning. “What are you holding?”

“Uh, I found them lying around, and thought it prudent to bring Master Stark’s attention to their presence,” Jarvis says vaguely. “Excuse me, I’ll do that now, sir.”

Obadiah moves out of the way to let Jarvis go into the study.

As Jarvis starts explaining the situation to Howard, both of them fail to notice Obadiah’s shadow at the door.

A few days later, Howard calls Obadiah into the lab to see a new invention. When Obadiah arrives, Howard’s looking at a slide through his microscope and waves Obadiah to do the same.

“Look at this Obie!” Howard crows, sliding his safety glasses to the top of his head. “It’s a viable stabilizer for the super soldier serum!”

“Is it?” Obadiah asks.

“Do you know what we could do with this?” Howard says, flush with excitement. “We could change the world, the course of history!”

“Indeed,” Obadiah murmurs in agreement, stepping back. “That’s a great development, how did you do it?”

Howard lies smoothly, but Obadiah hasn’t gotten this far on just his influence. He thinks about the conversation he overhead a few days ago, and how he hasn’t seen Howard designing at headquarters in a while but they were still receiving new designs regularly.

“Remarkable,” Obadiah praises, mind racing.

* * *

A few months after Howard gets ahold of Tony’s serum, it becomes apparent that no one can reverse-engineer the compound. Obadiah says nothing to an increasingly frantic Howard, and instead goes straight to Tony one day after school, while the boy’s sketching a new design.

“So I’ve heard you made something important recently,” Obadiah greets.

“Did my-- did dad tell you?” Tony asks hopefully.

“Oh, no, my boy,” Obadiah chuckles, relishing how Tony’s face falls at that revelation. “No, but I recognized your handiwork. Your father isn’t that smart.”

Tony doesn’t say anything, just continues working on the sketch.

“I burned my notes for the serum stabilizer,” Tony says without prompting. “And I don’t remember how to make it, so it’s a waste of time to ask me. Dad already asked.”

“Are you sure, Tony?” Obadiah asks.

Tony doesn’t look at him, but Obadiah doesn’t need to see the boy’s face to know Tony’s telling the truth.

“I’m sure, Obie,” Tony says. “Besides, it doesn’t work, I tried it. Everything’s still in black and white.”

* * *

“If you-- listen, I’m Tony Stark, contact Stark Industries, they’ll give you whatever you want!” Tony screams, pulling at the restraints pinning him to the examining table. “Please, just-- Edwin Jarvis, my mom, just.”

“If you think we want money, Tony Stark, you are very foolish,” says the man in the lab coat. Tony refuses to think of him as a scientist. “No, what we want is not something that can be given.”

“Well, that’s not vaguely ominous at all,” Tony snarks despite himself.

“You should hope we can extract the stabilizer from you, Tony Stark,” the man says softly. “The alternative will be rather painful.”

“The--the color serum, that’s what this is about?” Tony asks. “I don’t remember what I did! It doesn’t work!”

“Ah, but while it does not work for your intentions, it will suit ours very well,” the man says, picking up a scalpel.

“What-- what are you talking about?” Tony stammers, pulling against his bonds with renewed energy.

“I tire of your voice,” the man says idly, before flicking a hand towards another person.

That man comes over with a syringe and injects the contents into Tony, who feels the effects immediately, getting woozy.

“Whuh--wh,” Tony slurs before he succumbs to the sedative.

* * *

The next couple of weeks continue in a blur of Tony waking up in a cell only to be injected with a paralytic and bundled onto a stretcher and taken to the same lab as before. After the first week, they don’t bother to administer the sedative. The first time the man in the lab coat slices into him while he’s conscious, Tony screams so loud that the man huffs and motions for a gag that he unceremoniously fastens around Tony’s head.

Tony can’t move as the man slices into Tony and apathetically observes how long it takes for the cut to heal over the course of time. Soon, time blurs together for Tony, and the only constants are the pain as he’s cut into, over and over and over again.

* * *

“This is useless,” the man announces one day, putting the scalpel down. “We cannot extract the stabilizer from him. Scrap the project.”

Tony just lies there, not even pulling against his restraints anymore.

“Perhaps you should find another use for the subject, then,” an oily voice says from the shadows of the lab.

“But-- what?” the man in the lab coat questions.

“It has the serum, does it not?” the voice asks, bored. “Use the subject. It’s young and clever enough. It’ll be just as good as an asset as anyone else, once you tame it.”

* * *

The next day, they leave his cell door open. Tony musters up the energy to get up and limp down the hallway. He’s nearly at a door that looks like it could lead outside when a guard catches sight of him.

He’s back in the lab in seconds, on the table, restraints tightly buckled, sans gag.

“How disappointing,” the man tsks emotionlessly. “But I guess this will help us get more data on how the actual serum works.”

The man picks up a saw from his little table of tools and motions to an assistant, who quickly rolls up Tony’s pants.

“What-- what are you doing?” Tony asks fearfully.

“We’re going to make sure you can’t make any more escape attempts,” the man says.

Tony doesn’t start screaming until the man sets the saw on the skin right above Tony’s left ankle. The man just methodically saws, not pausing as Tony’s screams only grow louder when the saw hits bone. They’ve injected Tony with something that keeps him awake; that’s the only reason he can think of for why he doesn’t pass out from the pain, the worst thing he’s ever felt, sharp bursts of lightning traveling up his leg. It’s even worse once the man hits bone,

When it’s done, Tony’s lost his voice from screaming.

* * *

When they finally inject him with the super-soldier serum-- Tony can’t remember actually. He knows it was probably painful. Anything Hydra does to him is painful. But he can’t remember. The pain must have been too much for him.

* * *

The serum doesn’t regrow his foot. The man in the lab coat frowns over it, which is the most human emotion Tony’s ever seen from him.

“Fit him for a prosthetic,” the man orders, before leaving the lab.

* * *

Tony is tired when they finally strap him into the chair for the first time. He can’t remember a time he wasn’t hurting; they’ve been testing the effects of the serum for as long as Tony can bear to remember. He’s forgotten how his parents look, the sound of their voices. He barely remembers Jarvis.

When the machine whirrs to life, he’s almost grateful for how the white hot pain makes everything else inconsequential.

* * *

They train the asset. Martial arts, weapon handling, languages. Mandarin, Russian, Urdu, the asset easily learns, but others are harder. The first time they have the asset dismantle and reassemble a gun, it’s done in under a minute.

They strap him into the chair before his first mission.

It’s the easiest thing the asset’s ever done, to curl his finger on the trigger and pull. He doesn’t even recognize the man.

* * *

Three years after they first put the asset in the chair, a mission goes south. The asset manages to carry out his objective, but he comes back to the safe house badly injured. His handler just shakes his head in disappointment before handing the asset a saw and ordering the asset to fix it.

The asset nods and starts cutting into the skin under his left knee, right above the mangled mess of his lower leg, and keeps sawing until the teeth hit the leg of the chair he’s sitting on. His handler watches neutrally. The asset feels useful. It’s a clean cut through.  

They put him back in the chair, and then they put the asset on ice for the first time.

* * *

 

And then there comes a day when they put the asset on a longstanding mission.

“We are going to be part of the STRIKE team, the final member,” the handler tells him after he’s taken out of the chair. “We will work on missions with Captain America.”

“Captain America?” the asset asks, voice hoarse from disuse.

“Yes,” the handler says. “Is that going to be a problem?”

The asset says nothing.

“Good,” the handler says.

  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you want to know what happens after this, read the first part in this series if you haven't already :). And there will be art!


End file.
